The local

Minding your own business protects you from trouble that you have no business being involved in the first place. Sometimes you have to let go and disengage in becoming the hero that people expect you to be. You lose a little bit of yourself every time you make yourself available by catering to the needs of those who could care less if you are sharing your last dollar with them. They only choose to hate you because you have made better decisions under the same circumstances. The journey of life is not meant to be ridden in a car with passengers. The more passengers you allow in, the more weight you will carry and the slower you will go. It is time that you make frequent stops, start dropping them along the way because you are headed toward a place that they do not belong. Do it for yourself because they can only go with you but they can never go for you.

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Inner demons

When thoughts linger in my head, it’s almost as if time stands still for a moment just so I can waste space with distaste. Sometimes your inner voice needs to be told to shut up.

 

Do roses have thorns, or do thorns grow roses?

If you buy me roses, please keep the thorns on them.

Do not remove the very thing that serves as its protection.

The beauty still exists as it lies in its natural form.

Do not fabricate the essence of a beautiful structure just to pacify me from your wrongdoing.

Let it be beautiful, let it be whole, let me embrace the ingenuity that has ever come from you.

I want this rose to symbolize myself as you have been a thorn on my side. I’d rather you remove yourself and allow the roses to remain.

At the very least, with roses, I know we can grow together. 160282757f9c413c5a6272b8129bdd66

Another’s

Another’s.

I now belong to another.

To think, I always thought my life would be stable once I settled down.

Was I so wrong?

I did not know I had to experience hard times to have brighter days.

I did not know I had to cry before I smiled again.

I did not know I had to be tormented mentally and emotionally before I can be respected.

I did not know in order to gain love and trust I had to lose courage and faith.

I did not know I had to be used before I realized I was worth more.

I did not know.

No one told me.

If they did, no one made sure I listened and comprehended.

Then again, it is no one’s fault but mine.

Why couldn’t I just learn from other people’s mistakes and not go through things myself.

In our relationship I thought I was set, settled, and secure.

All I did was cry, stress, mope and be depressed.

Why, you ask?

I’ll tell you.

Because happiness to me was not a choice, it was a gift.

It was not an act of pity for me. It was wishful thinking on my behalf.

And since I was not happy, how could you possibly make me happy.

So, therefore, I resulted in belonging to another.

The other knows the art of making me feel special, respecting me, not using me, appreciating me, being delicate and sweet, and most importantly loving me.

I am happy to be another’s and not yours.

I ask myself to remain calm and look back at all I have been through.

I have experienced all from good to better, bad to worse and I realize that the main reason why I go through these things are because I was emotionally built to be strong enough to overcome anything.

On the other hand, why me?

You could have made me happy.

You could have been my future but I was not in your future plans, I was just in your present to-do-list.

So, I had to be another’s, and being another’s is not so bad.

I learned from you to do better for him. Consequently, I became your statistic!

My life was a walk through game in which you played until it was over.

I repeatedly say to myself “Love is short, but forgetting is so long.”

That is what gets me through.

You need not tell me I am wrong because everything about you is wrong.

Let me move on,

Let me experience true love,

Let me feel wanted and respected,

Let me feel what I never felt before and most importantly, let me allow myself to give my all to another.

Who can tell me what I’m feeling?

Who can tell me what I am feeling if I only tell those who do not listen to me.

Why am I so consistent in telling you my fears and weaknesses if you will only use it as a tool to break down my confidence?

Why is it that when I am discouraged, I still crave the love and attention, so I seek it?

To seek is to find and, to find is to discover and to discover is to gain the power of having no control of not y getting what I want, but, having what I want and desire come to me.

How can you say that I always get what I want, when instead, what I want comes to me either right away or with time?

When I talk do you listening or do you just hear me?

If you were listening to me, you would acknowledge me.

If you understood me then we would not be so negligent in bonding with each other.

It is easy to say but hard to do and even easier to write.

It is okay if my constant demand for attention is not met.

It is not really me seeking love and care; it is you losing out on the passionate presence of the person you see here before you.

So, who can tell me what I am feeling?

Can it be you?

If not, then who?

Actually as always, I will just sit back patiently and wait because it is a definite guarantee that it will come to me.

Do not insult my wishful thinking.

Appreciate my open mind.

Only I can understand me

It is really exciting when I can share my thoughts with only myself.

My thoughts and imagination take me to where I do not allow myself physically to go because of how I show myself to be in reality.

My emotions run free and explore unknown lands.

Lands can be anything or anybody.

Undeniably, I give my all to have what I have gained and deserved, yet, I yearn for more that one is able to give me, but don not do my any favors.

I will go explore for myself and see what I can find.

Rest assured I will go back.

I feel as if I was never gone.

I was just over here away from you, yet so close at heart.

Do not cry for me, do not even hurt, it is not you.

You are great.

It is me.

It does not mean something is wrong with me in every aspect it means everything is right about you.

I am not who you think I am on the contrary, when all else fails and I am so misunderstood, at the end of the day,

I am just like you

Let me feel what I feel for you

Let me feel what I feel for you whatever mood I may be in.

Let me hate you when I do not get my way.

I will come back when I get over it and love you again.

Do not be appalled by my many feelings towards you.

It is a way of me being real to myself.

How can I know what I really feel for you if I have never tried hating you?

Try being me. I have to deal with all you put me through so I go into deep thought…

I see if it is what I want, wonder if there is anything better for me, consider the alternatives of exploring my options and yet I still come up with feeling the same way I did before I went into deep thought, mute and blinded by what I feel for you.

When I feel mute, how do I tell you how much I care?

When I am blinded, how do you make it clear enough to see things your way?

Enlighten the path that leads me to understand you better.

Darken the trail that traps me in my thoughts of hating you.

Contain me in the route to loving the every emotion that puts me in tune, deep into the blood, in my veins, of my heart that beats to my every thought of loving you.

I have exhausted myself letting you think I do not care.

So, let me feel what I feel for you. Let me love you.

The decadence of my inner self

My image of me is so different from what is expected to be.

I am normal.

I am wise, yet I am different.

I do not see things the way that you do.

I need a sense of feeling before I can judge.

I go for quality not quantity.

How can two people who are so different be drawn so close with hardly anything in common?

Is it because I accept you for you and you like me for me.

If so, then it is agreed that we are opposites that attract.

Can one mistake I make change your whole view of me?

You do not have the authority to judge me or anyone.

Inside, I am a loving, caring, considerate and smart human being,

However, on the outside, I can be whoever I want to be.

The mystery lies within me.

It is the arrogance of my decadence that toys with your judgment of who you think I am.

I now allow you to borrow the opportunity to get to know me.

When you reach the point where you can predict my thoughts, only then you will realize that I have perfected the art of being myself on the outside because on the inside, you will never be given the chance to know me.

 

Consequences of me being yours

 For as far back as I can remember being yours was just a fantasy to me.

Even during my most intimate moments you were not physically present but, mentally you were the one to bring me to my climax.

Shame on me!

How can I have my cake and eat it too.

And oh, how sweet it was.

Minds are the only places in which you can do things you so badly want to do but, have cowardly instincts holding you back.

It burns inside such like an interrupted climax.

What if? I wonder.

He is not like you.

Then again he is not you.

He needs me.

I need you.

He has me.

I want you.

You have no idea.

He has no idea, that I have already had your body and soul, time after time, all in my mind.

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