The drummer

To my dear friend who misses her father deeply. Listen to your heart, he lives inside of you. (F.M.) 

If I close my eyes and stay very still, I can hear a drummer pounding a steady beat.

But once I get distracted it’s like I can’t hear it anymore.

I want to see the drummer it is so frustrating that I cannot, but I know it’s there. This is all too much. I can’t. I am leaving. I am going for a walk before I lose my mind.

I just need to think; I need to ponder clearly in solitude.

Counting my steps with one foot in front of the other; The drummer begins. The faster I go, the louder it gets. I just know I am getting closer. I must keep going.

I keep tripping over things that do not exist and stopping for things that should not have been in my way; and it is such a whirlwind of emotions because I can’t cry because I am angry; and I am angry because I am looking for the drummer; and I cannot find it.

Not once did it miss a beat. This is the creator of the rhythm that developed inside me and now I am lost. How can that be?

Anyway, I am out of breath. Let me sit down.

The drummer is tirelessly playing the beautiful melody but I am too tired and out of breath to realize what is happening.

At times I think I am crazy because my desire is to use openness as bait to gain love; and that if I exert positive energy, nothing bad will ever come. And so I believe that if I move faster towards the sound of the drum I will find it and that would be enough for me to not think of this bullshit we call life.

But it is not enough.

I have wasted so much time trying to find something that was inside of me the whole entire time.

The drummer is my father and he plays the beautiful sound that radiates from my chest. He gave me life and continues to give me purpose.

I need to stop being so selfish and appreciate that the music he created will forever be heard inside of me and anything I create from this point forward.

All I have to do is listen.

imagesIMAKZQ86

Advertisements

Who can tell me what I’m feeling?

Who can tell me what I am feeling if I only tell those who do not listen to me.

Why am I so consistent in telling you my fears and weaknesses if you will only use it as a tool to break down my confidence?

Why is it that when I am discouraged, I still crave the love and attention, so I seek it?

To seek is to find and, to find is to discover and to discover is to gain the power of having no control of not y getting what I want, but, having what I want and desire come to me.

How can you say that I always get what I want, when instead, what I want comes to me either right away or with time?

When I talk do you listening or do you just hear me?

If you were listening to me, you would acknowledge me.

If you understood me then we would not be so negligent in bonding with each other.

It is easy to say but hard to do and even easier to write.

It is okay if my constant demand for attention is not met.

It is not really me seeking love and care; it is you losing out on the passionate presence of the person you see here before you.

So, who can tell me what I am feeling?

Can it be you?

If not, then who?

Actually as always, I will just sit back patiently and wait because it is a definite guarantee that it will come to me.

Do not insult my wishful thinking.

Appreciate my open mind.

The morning after

She and he meet and all is respectful.

Their eyes say all words that need to be said to exclaim the passion felt at first sight.

Body language screams for a blissful union of pleasurable time alone to explore each other.

They are each others essential necessity.

Time goes by, attraction grows all the while.

They meet again.

All feelings erupt immediately secreting all fluids that wish to blend together and stream such like a river.

They finally submerge into that river.

Emotions run wild.

They have taken each others breath away.

Day has met night and in that time the unimaginable has become a reality.

They belong to each other at last tonight.

Hours runs and morning has arrived.

Their lives await them when they part.

Hoping that the morning sunlight will shine bright enough to cleanse them of their sins that took over them both to help create a night to remember and a conscious to kill their souls.

Feel me when I’m hurt

How often can I say I have endured pain that I can actually resist?

Better yet, how can I overcome circumstances that were intended to break me down?

My destiny was not already planned. Rather, it is still in negotiations.

In the meantime, life as it is, is a gamble with slim chances.

Do you follow what I’m saying?

Can you hear me crying inside even as I smile gloriously?

My smile is my shield that I would use at the threat of you not feeling me when I am hurt.

You do not have to touch me to feel me.

If you feel the powerful love through the smile on my face when I hear you tell me how you feel about me,

and the way your heart skips at the moment of my touch and the manner in which your tears form at the corners of your sweet eyes when we laugh endlessly and the instance in which you see me you light up as if electricity ran through your veins, at that point I ask myself, “Is this too good to be true, that you feel my happiness.”

If so, why can you not feel me when I am hurt?

Cold hearted

What is the significance of having a warm heart? You tend to be a loving, nurturing, caring, considerate and compassionate person. As life takes its course and people realize your worth, you’re often envied and despised. People keep you close only to have an idea of what they have to measure up to; to try to be just as great or better. Pitiful it is when you waste space with people that do not deserve your kindness. In cases such as these, after being burned by the fire so many times, your heart turns cold. You can see these individuals in turmoil and choose to turn the blind eye. This doesn’t mean that you are a bad person. This simply means that your heart has turned to ice. No emotions present. Nonetheless, the burden is less when you decide that you will not suffer for the bad judgment of others. Live, learn, liberate, love from a distance……….

1958047_836124193069668_1335777112_n

Blurred vision

If you ever thought that invisibility was just a thought in the imagination of geniuses, then you may want to reconsider. You can try your hardest to be seen and acknowledged and yet feel so invisible. In the flesh you appear in the plain view of a certain someone but it is all to no avail. Then you start to question your own existence. Sometimes it only takes for you to see yourself for who you really are. Logically it makes sense to blame others for why people stop associating with you. Today you can declare that you will own your invisibility. Whenever that person finally sees that you were there all along; if only they just looked deeper and closer and had a little more patience. But because their vision was blurred by temporary forevers, they will soon miss the opportunity to be a part of you. At that point, they can only rely on memories which will soon fade away in their mind. Set yourself free and un-tie yourself from burdensome regret and shame. Although you may be invisible to that certain someone because they are naive and stubborn, rest assured that all is well because you have made footprints on their heart which are meant to be felt and not seen.

10452385_919261241422629_2299367329382629854_n

Detox

Detoxification is good for the body as it eliminates harmful substances. Take that concept and develop a way to detoxify your mind as well. All the daily stress and drama that you endure grows and settles in on your physical form and eventually wears away your mind like mold on food. What was once a wholesome delectable has now become an enzyme that invades your inner self and starts to show its effects on the outside. Detoxify yourself from the people who have become a fungus to your generosity. Moral of the story: not all molds are harmful. Be wise to choose the ones that are healthy for you as you allow them to invade your inner self, or it can kill you. 1376369_831061530242601_585660300_n