Outnumbered 

If you knew you were going to die, would you do things differently today?

Would you rather play mind games that make you think that you have enough time in a day to make 24 hours feel less like 1440 minutes? Either way, time won’t wait for you to figure it out because you lose time doing that as well.

You don’t have to understand what I’m saying. All I ask is that you feel what it feels like to feel feelings.

Your negative thoughts should never outnumber the grains of sand in the ocean. The same ocean you walk towards just to let your tears fall into the water, is the same one you could use to cleanse that which is your temple. Confusing isn’t it; but only if you lack intuitive perception.

How you perceive what I’m saying is how you’ll receive the message intended to distract you. In the two minutes it took you to read this, you’ve managed to forget all your worries and concentrate on the meaning of these words.

So I was thinking….If you knew you were going to die, would you do things differently today? Because guess what? We all are.

Train wreck 

imageI have been waiting here for a while now for a train that seems like it is never coming. It gives me too much time to think. Looking at the tracks and seeing the marks left behind reminds me of the places I have been. Despite the chaos, I keep searching for something. Something to set my mind free. It makes me sad to know that a lot of people end their lives in the very place that I come to seek my transport into another realm of my existence. I am very tired. So many options, yet so little control over their outcome. Wishes blow into the wind. Tears wash away in the rain. When will the sun come out? I have been in these shadows way too long. As soon as this train comes I have to decide whether to jump into it or right in front of it. Instant gratification. I am still waiting. I have made my mind up and I know this is the way. I am ready but then an announcement comes over the loud speaker. It says that service has been cancelled due to a derailment. What could have happened?
It was not meant to be. It was not my time.  Maybe someone else beat me to it. Someone else had it worse than me.  My worries could not possibly supersede someone else’s expiration date. I am so blessed, which is what I should have realized before I allowed these crazy ideas to hijack my mind. Never again will I place myself in a situation where I think I could take matters into my own hands. Time will tell and heal me. This train wreck symbolizes my life in a sense that I must move forward despite what has been broken. I will just wear my experiences as these tracks wear their marks and keep pushing forward to my next destination. My purpose isn’t to try to make sense of it all, but rather it is to share my story along my journey.

Unlock your full potential

Communication is the key to unlocking the full potential of your inner soul. At times it may seem as if life is happening so fast that we lose sight of the things that are actually unseen or unheard. Those are the things that matter the most but are valued the least. Today is a day in which I say to myself that I can use the key to open up a new realm of my being. That is to being loved. But first to be understood. Understanding can take a lot of patience and faith. However, keys also unlock unfavorable things that you have to learn to keep in its place. Negative interference never leads to positive outcomes. I say this to say that you are the beholder of your happiness. And in due time you will earn the right to rise to adversity so long as you manifest righteousness in your words and actions.

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Do roses have thorns, or do thorns grow roses?

If you buy me roses, please keep the thorns on them.

Do not remove the very thing that serves as its protection.

The beauty still exists as it lies in its natural form.

Do not fabricate the essence of a beautiful structure just to pacify me from your wrongdoing.

Let it be beautiful, let it be whole, let me embrace the ingenuity that has ever come from you.

I want this rose to symbolize myself as you have been a thorn on my side. I’d rather you remove yourself and allow the roses to remain.

At the very least, with roses, I know we can grow together. 160282757f9c413c5a6272b8129bdd66

Only I can understand me

It is really exciting when I can share my thoughts with only myself.

My thoughts and imagination take me to where I do not allow myself physically to go because of how I show myself to be in reality.

My emotions run free and explore unknown lands.

Lands can be anything or anybody.

Undeniably, I give my all to have what I have gained and deserved, yet, I yearn for more that one is able to give me, but don not do my any favors.

I will go explore for myself and see what I can find.

Rest assured I will go back.

I feel as if I was never gone.

I was just over here away from you, yet so close at heart.

Do not cry for me, do not even hurt, it is not you.

You are great.

It is me.

It does not mean something is wrong with me in every aspect it means everything is right about you.

I am not who you think I am on the contrary, when all else fails and I am so misunderstood, at the end of the day,

I am just like you

The decadence of my inner self

My image of me is so different from what is expected to be.

I am normal.

I am wise, yet I am different.

I do not see things the way that you do.

I need a sense of feeling before I can judge.

I go for quality not quantity.

How can two people who are so different be drawn so close with hardly anything in common?

Is it because I accept you for you and you like me for me.

If so, then it is agreed that we are opposites that attract.

Can one mistake I make change your whole view of me?

You do not have the authority to judge me or anyone.

Inside, I am a loving, caring, considerate and smart human being,

However, on the outside, I can be whoever I want to be.

The mystery lies within me.

It is the arrogance of my decadence that toys with your judgment of who you think I am.

I now allow you to borrow the opportunity to get to know me.

When you reach the point where you can predict my thoughts, only then you will realize that I have perfected the art of being myself on the outside because on the inside, you will never be given the chance to know me.

 

Is this not what you wanted (or not exactly)

What we had as one, to me, was a once in a lifetime opportunity to get what you always dreamed of.

I did not want to let it go, but, yes, I had to let it go.

I do not deny that I miss him but first I have to remember him, to miss him.

I should not have to miss him.

I should not have to forgive him, simply because we should be together.

I do not feel as though I have to fight constantly for his love, an undefeated battle.

I have chosen to lose that battle and start right back at eh beginning where I was before I was his.

Now I start new and now things are not the same and my heart is stronger than ever.

You wanted freedom, you wanted occasional intimacies with me, and you wanted no questions. Well you have got the wrong fool.

You want too much for too little. I gave you true love. You gave me counterfeit admiration.

Admiration versus true love, there is my lost battle.

You gave me lies, I gave you honesty.

Lies versus honesty, another lost battle.

You gave me constant heartaches, I gave you constant happiness.

Constant heartaches versus constant happiness, last battle defeated.

I do not have it in me to stay.

You understand now how much it was always a battle of how things were and how they should have been.

You probably still do not comprehend but you will one day and you will realize that what I felt for you was true and that you got what you wanted.

One day, you will realize that your stupidities drove me away.

It has been a long enough ride.

My intentions toward you are, were, and will always be for your own good.

I finally have the strength to let you just go and be happy.

I lost the love of my life.

You lost the person that was stopping you from being yourself.

Stay true to yourself, by yourself.