The drummer

To my dear friend who misses her father deeply. Listen to your heart, he lives inside of you. (F.M.) 

If I close my eyes and stay very still, I can hear a drummer pounding a steady beat.

But once I get distracted it’s like I can’t hear it anymore.

I want to see the drummer it is so frustrating that I cannot, but I know it’s there. This is all too much. I can’t. I am leaving. I am going for a walk before I lose my mind.

I just need to think; I need to ponder clearly in solitude.

Counting my steps with one foot in front of the other; The drummer begins. The faster I go, the louder it gets. I just know I am getting closer. I must keep going.

I keep tripping over things that do not exist and stopping for things that should not have been in my way; and it is such a whirlwind of emotions because I can’t cry because I am angry; and I am angry because I am looking for the drummer; and I cannot find it.

Not once did it miss a beat. This is the creator of the rhythm that developed inside me and now I am lost. How can that be?

Anyway, I am out of breath. Let me sit down.

The drummer is tirelessly playing the beautiful melody but I am too tired and out of breath to realize what is happening.

At times I think I am crazy because my desire is to use openness as bait to gain love; and that if I exert positive energy, nothing bad will ever come. And so I believe that if I move faster towards the sound of the drum I will find it and that would be enough for me to not think of this bullshit we call life.

But it is not enough.

I have wasted so much time trying to find something that was inside of me the whole entire time.

The drummer is my father and he plays the beautiful sound that radiates from my chest. He gave me life and continues to give me purpose.

I need to stop being so selfish and appreciate that the music he created will forever be heard inside of me and anything I create from this point forward.

All I have to do is listen.

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Who are your true friends?

The best way to weigh the validity of any friendship is to subject it to a test of time. You have those friends who call on you just to make sure you are alive and well; true friends. You have those friends who are always there for you no matter what the circumstances may be; loyal friends. You have those who humbly let you know when you’re right or wrong for your own good; real friends. Then you have those who only call on you when they need something from you, when you can be of some sort of service to them, when they envy you, when they’re in dire despair, and when they have absolutely no one else; those who place a heavy weight on you; fake friends. Be true to yourself at least by losing the dead weight, dust your shoulders off, kick your heels, say goodbye and keep it moving.

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Detox

Detoxification is good for the body as it eliminates harmful substances. Take that concept and develop a way to detoxify your mind as well. All the daily stress and drama that you endure grows and settles in on your physical form and eventually wears away your mind like mold on food. What was once a wholesome delectable has now become an enzyme that invades your inner self and starts to show its effects on the outside. Detoxify yourself from the people who have become a fungus to your generosity. Moral of the story: not all molds are harmful. Be wise to choose the ones that are healthy for you as you allow them to invade your inner self, or it can kill you. 1376369_831061530242601_585660300_n

With love, your friend

I write this for you feeling as if I am walking on broken glass,
afraid as I contemplate taking my next step.
A move too subtle can be very
disastrous yet as I think positive, it can be destiny.
Pain emerges and I think over and over again if I shall proceed.
I come to you with a question mark in my head,
butterflies in my stomach,
scars on my soul
and my heart in my hand.
I am s0 confused as to what is happening.

Help me understand.

My question to you now, dear friend, is will you take my hand?

Detestable weeds

At first glance you may think this is one of earth’s wonderful creations but in reality it’s just a detestable weed that does not contribute any of it’s elements towards making a garden grow stronger or greener. On the contrary it’s a nuisance and strips the nutrients from the other plants to sustain itself. This is why they must be removed in order to preserve and conserve what really brings forth the beauty of the earth.

Moral of the story: if you apply this same concept to your life, then eliminate the people that may look like a beautiful flower on the outside when they’re really just a detestable, life-sucking weed. At the end of the day, if they’re not making you stronger then they’ll keep bringing you down. Lesson learned! Pay it forward.

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