Wear a coat

We live in a day and age where a lot of things are culturally acceptable.

But you should never have to compromise your individuality.

When you think of how cold the people of this world are, your individuality comes into perspective.

Do you want to be that person who chooses to be the recycled goods of another shallow, needy human being?

Or would you rather not waste any energy in people, places, or things who contribute absolutely nothing to bringing out the best in you.

We cannot choose those in which we share a bloodline; which are some of the coldest human beings on this planet. You’d need a heavy coat for those cold shoulders and a shield to block the hatred, envy, deceit, lies, disloyalty, lack of sympathy and empathy, I can go on but I won’t because it would not matter because, no matter what, I still care.

And that is where I realize that they and I are only human.

I can forgive those who’ve wronged me. I can forget all the things that were done onto me.

However, even though I’m conscious of the fact that pain and hurt is temporary, the audacity of you to do such things to me, will forever change the dynamics of our relationships.

So no, we cannot sit and have tea, but If I see you in passing, I will say Hi and move forward.

Make sure you wear a coat. It’s a cold, cold world.

Outnumbered 

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If you knew you were going to die, would you do things differently today?

Would you rather play mind games that make you think that you have enough time in a day to make 24 hours feel less like 1440 minutes? Either way, time won’t wait for you to figure it out because you lose time doing that as well.

You don’t have to understand what I’m saying. All I ask is that you feel what it feels like to feel feelings.

Your negative thoughts should never outnumber the grains of sand in the ocean. The same ocean you walk towards just to let your tears fall into the water, is the same one you could use to cleanse that which is your temple. Confusing isn’t it; but only if you lack intuitive perception.

How you perceive what I’m saying is how you’ll receive the message intended to distract you. In the two minutes it took you to read this, you’ve managed to forget all your worries and concentrate on the meaning of these words.

So I was thinking….If you knew you were going to die, would you do things differently today? Because guess what? We all are.

Emptiness inside 

All that is left is the skeleton. A sign of what was with no formal expression and no heart. If ever given the opportunity to trade life for death, I do not fathom why we cannot trade those who remain for those that are gone. I mean that with all due respect for those whom we deeply love and genuinely love us back; unlike all the others who care to be there for their own purpose, cause havoc and waste space and time in which we can never get back. But I would not hesitate to have a chance to trade all my time wasted on loving someone who could and would never reciprocate just to have another moment with the one whom loved me unconditionally and unendingly; brief as it may have been. 

Rest In Peace 

When we cut the lights off at night to lay to rest, we trust that the darkness will protect us and bring us peace to last though the morning sun. Never distrust your blindness to sit up and think about what could be or what would’ve been. Everyone deserves to have peace equal to the peace they bring onto others. Cast away your fears with your prayers. Close your eyes and allow yourself to drift away into sleep. Know that your mind gets tired too and because your brain guides your heart, never let a moment go by without understanding first that one will never work without the other. Love yourself enough to accept that things that rest and wake have another chance to make it right. If being alone in the dark is frightening, remember that some things need light to grow. So why are you depriving yourself from seeing the light of a brand new day?

Casualties of forced love 

So here we are. It’s time to say goodbye. These moments are hard to accept but our experiences have prepared us well in advance. The inevitable is the withdrawal you will process once you realize I was just making my rounds, passing through your life, trying to find a place to settle into. I was hit by a truck going 100 miles per hour, but I survived. I felt myself being shattered to pieces in so much pain. Time has hardened my emotions and I am picking up the pieces necessary to make myself whole again. So…why would I want to go back and put myself in a situation where I would get hit by a truck again, but this time, diminishing my being far from existence?

So thankful for you 

New beginnings are on the horizon. I could not see it coming because I was so blinded by the glare of the sun coming through the magnifying glass you held above me. But not anymore; because there is a bigger giant that won’t further allow you to burn me. I want to thank you for your wrongdoings. You’ve made me strong. You’ve made me better. You’ve served your purpose in my life. I am truly blessed.

From your everything, to my nothing

Thirty three years have passed. One thing I have learned over time is that an individual does not have the ability to change another human being. That is all due to the fact that what the heart wants is always in a battle with what the mind wants. So incidentally, the weak-minded fall victim to thinking they are mindful yet they are heartless. Given a choice, I would rather simplify the confusion by considering the morality of the dilemma. If you had to commit a sin to temporarily soothe your soul, then be prepared to accept that the benefit will never outweigh the consequences. From this point forward, regrets will control your whole being; because once you lose the one thing that was meant to be your everything, you will be nothing.

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The man and his shovel

“I will live. I will love. I will die. Three things I am guaranteed. How I live, who I love and when I die will remain unknown. What I do know is that I refuse to let the man with the shovel take me down with him.”

I lost my smile the day that I met the man with a shovel in his hands. A shovel that he used to beat lies into my head and dig holes into my heart. I was so oblivious by the mask he had on his face. I always wondered why he was so resistant to making changes to his physical appearance but then it was clear to me that he was not ready to reveal his true being. That this mask felt safe to wear and he needed it to cover his face while he was digging with his shovel. There I was next to him through rain and shine falling quickly through the mud, not understanding what he is looking for and why he keeps digging so deep. A shadow cast over me and it was because were sinking into this hole that he dug. I was full of dirt, I could not see. There was no warmth, no light, just darkness and coldness. He was sweating profusely, breathing heavily and he kept a wicked smile on his face all the while. He said that his job was not done yet. How I wish he would have been done so we could get out of there and cleanse the dirt off of ourselves. But he always puts in a hard day’s work and seldom cared to cleanse. So I knew I was in this by myself. Then it hit me…He was not uplifting me but instead bringing me down; down into the grave that he had started digging for himself with the shovel that he had in his hands when I met him. Down into the dumps of turmoil, self-destruction, addiction, sinful self-indulgence, and slow lonely, painful death. So I learned never to judge a book by it’s cover. However, I had another take on the meaning. A cover is exactly what the word entails; something that hides or conceals what lies within. This man was my book. So in this book that I came across in the library of life, I misjudged him by his cover. I am almost done reading this book. I feel the end is near. I have my finger between the last two pages but I stop reading because I have too much dirt on my hands and I cannot even see the words. There is no sense in trying, it is already distorted.

Train wreck 

imageI have been waiting here for a while now for a train that seems like it is never coming. It gives me too much time to think. Looking at the tracks and seeing the marks left behind reminds me of the places I have been. Despite the chaos, I keep searching for something. Something to set my mind free. It makes me sad to know that a lot of people end their lives in the very place that I come to seek my transport into another realm of my existence. I am very tired. So many options, yet so little control over their outcome. Wishes blow into the wind. Tears wash away in the rain. When will the sun come out? I have been in these shadows way too long. As soon as this train comes I have to decide whether to jump into it or right in front of it. Instant gratification. I am still waiting. I have made my mind up and I know this is the way. I am ready but then an announcement comes over the loud speaker. It says that service has been cancelled due to a derailment. What could have happened?
It was not meant to be. It was not my time.  Maybe someone else beat me to it. Someone else had it worse than me.  My worries could not possibly supersede someone else’s expiration date. I am so blessed, which is what I should have realized before I allowed these crazy ideas to hijack my mind. Never again will I place myself in a situation where I think I could take matters into my own hands. Time will tell and heal me. This train wreck symbolizes my life in a sense that I must move forward despite what has been broken. I will just wear my experiences as these tracks wear their marks and keep pushing forward to my next destination. My purpose isn’t to try to make sense of it all, but rather it is to share my story along my journey.

Caged thoughts 

What if you wake up one day and realize that everything you have ever known was all a matter of you being brainwashed to think and believe a certain way…stripped from your individuality; may as well not even exist since the only thing you can control is your breathing. But then again, even your lungs are in a cage.

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